Hell-the-fuck-o! I’m back skanks! Well, to be honest I never went anywhere, but my life is just a bit of a melodrama right now but that is not gonna stop me from giving it my all and continuing to bitch about things I love and hate… so without further procrastination lets start with this weeks: The Week In Singles.

This week we have everything from  the 25th single taken from Rihanna’s “Good Girl, Gone Bad” to my personal hero Lady Gaga with her A-mazing single “Poker Face” (the video is a MUST SEE, for any fag or fag hag).

Rihanna dear, Quit while you're ahead.

Is it just me or is everyone getting just a wee bit sick of Rihanna? I mean thanks to her I will never be able to say the word umbrella without some twat repeating “ella, ella, ella” in the back. She is REALLY milking this album for all it’s worth which wouldn’t really be a bad thing if the singles continued to be good, but sadly for her it seems as though the “Good Girl, Gone Bad” well has completely dried up and she won’t be able to squeeze another hit from the stanky water that’s left.

The problem here is that “Rehab” sounds TOO much like Justin Timberlake’s “What Goes Around…” and it’s no wonder since he pretty much did the whole entire fucking song except singing on it…. well… wait….. he did that too…

My question is why even bother to have her sing some of it, if it’s ALL about Justin’s sound, seriously it could be anyone singing this and it just wouldn’t make any difference who that person is…

Note To Rihanna: It’s o.k to go away for a while, not EVERYONE likes Beyonce

My Rating: 3 minutes of sloppy Grandma kisses..(yes, that’s bad)

Jessica? Is that You?

I LOVE everything about Britney’s comeback EXCEPT for this hideous cover that makes her look like a Jessica Simpson’s long lost wonky-eyed tranny milkmaid cousin. Not a good look dear.

The 2nd single “Circus” is a bit more tolerable if you thought ‘Womanizah” was a bit to repetitive. Britney sings “there are 2 types of people in this world, ones that entertain and the ones that observe”. Well, we ALL know that she is the 1st kind. She also sings that she runs a “tight ship” now whatever could she be talking about? If the beat and break down of the song are any indication there is bound to be TONS of booty shakin’ in this video.

This song is a bit Like “Piece Of Me” but it’s not as robotic or she doesn’t sound as pissed off. It sounds as though she knows all eyes are on her and no she’s not gonna shave all her hair off, or beat a car with an umbrella..ella..ella..ella…. (ARRGGG!!! Damn you, Rihanna!) she’s just gonna dance her ass off. This is Britney at her best and she is back in full force. Love her or hate her, one thing is for sure, there’s no stopping this crazy slut.

My Rating: 5 crotch Rubs to the guy In Brit’s “Womanizah” vid. YUMMY!

Yeah, You'll Do.

This must be a very confusing time for our beloved Madonna, I mean the break up of her marriage, the affair with that baseball hunk, those arms, those lips, those cheeks………….AHHHHHHG! See, and I’m just writing this shit down!

Well, with all this crap going on it’s nice to know that she decided to release one of the better if not the best track from her “Hard Candy” CD. This is the only song on that album that she sings as though she gives a fuck. This is classic Madonna and the “So Far Away” bit is so fucking catchy you’ll find yourself repeating it during “relations”.

I highly doubt this will be HUGE after the mess that was “Give It 2 Me”, but it’s nice to know that at least her fans will be happy with this one. The video is rumored to be a montage of her on tour…. how very original. I hate those kinds of videos. Just don’t even bother! But, the song is ace and the remixes will keep Gay clubs bumpin’ & grindin’ for years to come.

I hope that this will be the last single from this album (although there are rumors that “Beat Goes On” will be the 4th single) so we can put all these sour Madonna times behind us and she can deliver another “Confessions On A Dance Floor” cos that’s ALL we Gays really want… see, we really are simple folk.

My Rating: 3 and a half Gay Glittery Disco Globes.

Single Of The Week:

Lady Gaga-"Poker Face"

I just have one thing to say: Lady Gaga KNOWS what time it is. This is the 2nd single released from her excellent “The Fame” album and it’s just a choon!

The thing I love about her (besides her music) is she has got EVERYTHING in control, her look, her poses, her dance moves, her costumes and “ornaments”.  It’s all so studied but it’s not a cookie-cutter style it’s her own and she owns every fucking thing she does and she is only fucking 22 years old!

With lyrics such as “Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun” and “I won’t tell you that I love you
Kiss or hug you, cause I’m bluffin’ with my muffin” you so DO NOT want to mess with this feisty minx.

Now what really brings this all together is the video. It’s so glamorous and over the top that if you  already have 1% of Gay in you this will drag the other 99% and you’ll be sucking cock by the end of the video. Je’adore this video, this song and this minx. Enjoy people, and get this album you WILL NOT be disappointed!

My Rating: 5 minutes of bluffin’ with your muffin’

Here’s the MUST SEE Video.

Lady Gaga “Poker Face”